I’m Dr. Vicki Mobley a Clinical Psychologist at Maudsley Health Services in Abu Dhabi and I worry. Yes, we all do! However, knowing the difference between helpful and unhelpful worry and how to keep a balance is crucial to our wellbeing.
Helpful Worry – a protective and prompting mechanism
Let’s begin with helpful worry.
Worry, (that is asking ourselves those ‘what if…what if?’ type questions) in moderation, can actually be a good thing. It’s our brain’s way of preparing us for challenges and keeping us safe. We want to have some of this in our lives and the mild feelings of anxiety that will often accompany this.
For instance, checking the weather before a hike or boating trip is a form of helpful worry. It helps us make informed decisions and avoid potential dangers. Some mild feelings of anxiety will alert us to things.
For instance, checking the weather before a hike or boating trip is a form of helpful worry. It helps us make informed decisions and avoid potential dangers. Some mild feelings of anxiety will alert us to things. Or consider those times when reviewing notes and preparing before taking an exam or delivering a presentation. That’s productive worry, motivating us to be prepared and do things as well as we can. In these two examples of helpful worry, the worry thoughts are about actual real and solvable worries that are in the moment now. Helpful worry is constructive and usually temporary. Once the situation is resolved or you’ve taken steps to address it, the worry diminishes.
Unhelpful worry – a path to no peace
Now, let’s look at unhelpful worry.
This type of worry is excessive, it may be irrational, and often feels like it’s uncontrollable. Sometimes it can be about hypothetic situations that may or may not ever happen. Or perhaps be about a situation that’s outside of your control, or something that you’ve already done all that you can do about… but the worry keeps on going on. Unhelpful worry can lead to over preparing and constant checking, fearing that something bad will happen if you don’t. It can also lead to avoidance behaviors; like procrastination, or skipping social events, or not doing things because of irrational fears and anxiety.
When left unchecked, this type of worry keeps us caught up in over thinking, and this may get in the way of us enjoying or focusing on other important things in our lives. It can keep us feeling wound up and in a physically anxious state, which can be exhausting and cause us to experience physical symptoms of chronic anxiety such as digestive problems, headaches, and sleeping difficulties. Some people may go on to develop a diagnosable mental health disorder such as generalized anxiety disorder, and some may develop other problems like depression as well.
Finding a Balance
So, how do we find the balance with this? That is, take the benefit from initial, normal “what if” worry and anxious feelings, without it spiraling and feeling like we are being consumed by it, or living in a constantly anxious state?
The good news is that this unhelpful worry, whether in a mild form or at the more extreme as an anxiety disorder, can be treated and changed. Cognitive behavioural therapy (or CBT) is a well tried and tested approach for treating excessive worry and anxiety disorders with very good outcomes. Sometimes medication alongside therapy can be helpful, although this is not always necessary.
CBT helps you become aware of your thoughts and allows you to respond to them more rationally, as well as develop new more helpful tools and strategies for managing the anxiety. Working with a therapist trained in CBT for anxiety management can help you navigate what is helpful or unhelpful worry, and gain lifelong skills and the confidence to manage any form of worry going forward in life.
Here are a few key concepts though to get you on your way
- Notice: Recognize when you’re worrying and identify it as helpful or unhelpful.
- Calm: Take a moment to center yourself and take a few slow deep breaths. This will help you think more rationally and give you a sense of coping.
- Challenge: Not all the thoughts we have are true. For unhelpful worries, ask yourself if the worry is based on facts or assumptions. Challenge catastrophic thinking with that which is more realistic and reasonable.
- Problem-Solve: For worries that are solvable or actionable, generate a list of options to address the issue and create a plan of action. Breaking down the problem into manageable steps can reduce anxiety.
- Thinking Time: Allocate a specific time of day to worry. Save your worry thoughts to this time and keep focused on the rest of your day. This can prevent worry from taking over your entire day and help you manage it more effectively.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, physical exercise, and relaxing activities can help you stay grounded, improve your resiliency, and reduce the intensity of worry.
Conclusion
In conclusion, worry is a natural part of life, we do want to have some worry thoughts, it can be quite helpful. However, when it tips into the realm of unhelpful and excessive worry, it’s important to take steps to regain balance in your life. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with anxiety or worry there are books and self-help resources on CBT for anxiety management widely available. Also do consider working with a trained therapist to support and help you in gaining what is needed to live a calmer, more contented, a confident life.
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